Breakfast? I'm sorry I can't, I'm Apparently Not Smart Enough

We got a really awesome toaster oven as a wedding gift and I must admit that I am truly thankful for it.  With regular toasters, I get a little stressed out that they are not actually working.  I have had so many in which it is time for the bread, or pop tart, to do some actual popping, and nothing.  Later I find out that the spring is broken, the bread has been burned and I am cranky.

But one thing really confuses me about this toaster oven.  First of all, it's a toaster and an oven all packaged into one.  That must be why there are about 500 different options for heat, and broiling, and a timer, etc.  Which, let me say, it's small am I really going to be cooking a turkey in there?  Doubt it.

But really I am bitter about the whole thing, because I am beginning to think that my lack of trust for the toaster is not really the device.  I hate to admit it, but I think it's me.  I can't get a freaking piece of bread to be the right consistency no matter what I do.

I always have it at the same setting (mostly because the other ones are too complicated)
I always use the same timer

And one time it will be burnt to the crisp, and other days, like now, I am so disappointed that my english muffin is nothing more than a flimsy warm piece of carbs.  I mean really?  Is this some kind of joke?  Or how about yesterday when I made cheese rolls for Cy and the cheese melted everywhere inside the toaster oven, but no effect on the bread?  What is wrong with that thing?  Or me?

So as I sit and eat my half warmed, non melted buttered, flimsy piece of bread, that I realize there is so much to learn and life and frankly is daunting if I can't even figure out the toaster over.  I'm going to have a zone bar instead, or should I say in addition to?

It's Never Too Early to Start Parenting

Yes kids.  We would totally smoke you in a kissing tournament.

Parenting who?  My future kids.


I thought of the BEST way to freak them out and stop them from making out all the time, especially in our living room, or their room.

Bonnie! People don't make out on couches or in their rooms when they are teenagers. 

Um yes the do.  So relax, and get prepared.

When Cy and I catch one of our children playing tonsil hockey in our house, in the car, at the football game, or at the movies, we are going to go up right next to them and we are going to start making out too.  Yes that is right, we are going to show them that there is not just one team in the league, and that we too can toss that puck.

The natural response will be, "Mom and Dad, SICK!" And to that I will say, "What?  Are we too loud?"  Which will invoke vomit of some sort, and if our son or daughter throws up on his or her date, then there goes that date, no longer a worry.

Then, from that moment on, we are going to instill a rule, that if our son or daughter wants to kiss his or her girlfriend or boyfriend then they have to do it in the same room as me and Cy, like a make-out party. They will NEVER want to do this, and therefore they wont make out in our house, or anywhere near where they think we might just randomly "show up."  This is abstinence training at it's finest.

Genius.

I told Cy this idea, and he looked so grossed out and like I needed help.  But true artists are never appreciated in their time.