Thursday, October 2, 2008

Got Milk?


Milk was a staple for me growing up. Everyday after school I had a tall glass of cold, whole milk and loved every single gulp. I love chocolate milk, I love to dip cookies in it, make milk shakes, milk baths (well I've never had one, but I think that I would like it), and milk in my coffee. However, what I do not appreciate is everyone who is running around and making me weird and grossed out by milk. You ruining it for me! "Who are these people?" you may ask. PETA for one. Yes, the animal rights group. They recently put out a formal request to Ben and Jerry's asking if they would please stop using cow's milk (to "give the cow a break"), and start using human breast milk.

human.breast.milk.

I really, really wish that I was kidding. In the report, which you can read here, they are quoted saying that "breast is best" and thus, I should really be consuming breast milk mixed with caramel and peanut butter, all frozen to perfection while I'm sitting on my couch watching the rain or getting over a bad day. Please can I do that? I literally am almost throwing up in my mouth. Is anyone else totally grossed out by this? And what does "breast is best" even mean? According to who? I guess this brings me to another misunderstanding I have about life. What is the big deal about boobs?! They are fat that just sits there, and frankly, people act appalled by it anywhere else on the body, so how come two random spots on the middle of someone's chest are so appealing? And, your mom, grandma, and every other girl that you have ever known has them. So, please please tell me what the big deal is. Furthermore, I am pretty sure, that people (majority men) who are going around saying "breast is best", are not thinking that they are consuming it's natural fluids in ice cream. If they even remembered that milk comes out of those, I think they would loose some of the appeal. So PETA maybe this is actually a hidden way to stop people from looking at so much porn, or grabbing people's boobs on the streets. If so, then I understand your true intentions. But, I have see you in action, and the way you yelled at me with signs that had puppies on them in Times Sqaure, makes me worried that you are serious about this statement. I am really hoping that pictures of boobs and cows and any combination of the two do not show up at your next picket line.



The second person who is really destroying my love for milk, is this guy. He insists that soy milk will make a child gay. I can not even begin to comment on this. He says that giving a kid soy milk is the equivalent to taking two birth control pills. I would like to personally thank him for this information. Because now that I know, I will stop taking my birth control pills and I will drink a half cup of soy every morning. But, Sir? Will you foot the bill for the diapers, clothes, food and college of the baby that will be born out of your soy milk birth control method? Just let me know where to send the invoice.

8 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I am a self confessed milk whore. I love milk. But Peta is disgusting. I read a column where the guy wrote about this and he likes to call them "Petarded."

Bonnie Lewis said...

oh my gosh i agree. i really really try to be healthy cause someone told me that milk was not good for them (why did I just listen??) but i can't i love it wayyyyy too much

Shey said...

I read somewhere that women sell their breast milk online....most of the people who buy it are men with weird fetishes.
Disgusting.

Shey said...

Gottee?

Breanne said...

Considering my dad is a dairy farmer - let's talk about how I loved this post. Hysterical. Agree with every single bit of it. I was laughing out loud and had to share it with my roommate. I too do NOT understand the boob-obsession. Boobs suck. No pun intended...

Kristen said...

Peta is so stupid. Any extra breast milk in the world should go to the thousands of AIDS orphans who could benefit from it - not to a bunch of hungry middle-class folks eating ice cream while they watch tv.

KendallMcK said...

Sorry to do this, but...drinking cows milk is not natural. It is a lot more natural for humans to consume human breast milk.

Think about it: we are the only species that drinks milk past infancy, and the ONLY species that consumes the milk of other species. Cow milk IS breast milk...for baby cows. It's really not meant for human consumption at all, which is why lactose intolerance is so common. In actuality, everyone is lactose intolerant to varying degrees, even if you don't really notice it.

PETA's f*cking crazy, but they have a point. I've never understood why people are so willing to gulp down juice that is squeezed out of the underside of a cow, the only purpose of which is to make baby cows grow, but then claim that drinking human breast milk is "disgusting" - I mean, ALL animal-based milk is pretty disgusting (not to mention the HORRIBLE and inhumane things dairy farmers have to do to cows to get them to produce so much milk).

I'm not here to make you feel bad about drinking milk - hell, I'm not vegan anymore and I consume a LOT of dairy - but we have to open our minds a little bit and admit that, while we're free to consume it, it's not "natural," nor is it good for us.

Bonnie Lewis said...

Kendall,

you are so right, I totally agree. I guess I just can't picture myself drinking human milk, even though, like you said, it's still a form of breast milk.

we drink rice milk in our house, the other stuff just clogs me up. ha